Peace, Freedom and Gratitude

I remember that morning so vividly. I was pregnant with my first child and sitting up in bed waiting for my husband to come home from work as a Police Officer. I turned on the news and saw the first plane crash into The World Trade Center. My husband walked in and then the second plane crashed and I knew something was very wrong. And it was.

It seemed in that moment everything changed. I wondered was it a good idea to be having a baby now...ever? How would I protect my child from the dangers of the world? I was asked to read a passage at church that week for at a special mass for the victims of 9/11.

In the coming months and years there were changes everywhere to be felt by everyone to make sure we were safe. My husband had several trainings on how to deal with various kinds of attacks on Chicago. And yet I had two more children. Apparently I had hope.

In our country of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness I haven't not been faced with war, with attacks on me personally, my city. I have lived a life of relative peace, happiness, and privilege. Privilege because I live in a place where even if I am in need I can find help. I am free from focusing on survival and able to dream and plan the life I want.

I was never happy about us going to war. I was torn between believing in a life of peace and love, but wanting the safety and freedom that our troops were so courageously giving me. I discussed this with only a few close people, but never felt I had an answer. I don't live a life in fear, but I haven't really been challenged like so many other people who have had their life and freedom threatened, or their loved ones taken away. 

But when I heard that bin Laden had been shot and killed my reaction wasn't joy. I was stunned that it had happened. It brought me back to 9/11 and all the fear, sorrow and horror. I wondered would someone else step into the role of leadership and continue pursuing vengeance against the United States? I thought of all the people who lost their lives on 9/11, people who lost their loved ones, fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, children, lovers, friends. And I thought of all the people who died to find this one person, whether they were in the military or innocent civilians overseas.

I still don't feel joy or even peace from this event. But I know that as an American I will continue to be grateful for the freedoms I have every day and grateful that all of my loved ones near and far are alive and grateful that people I don't know and will never meet are making sure we all have choices and a chance to pursue our dreams.

In gratitude,
Alix